Reflections

It has been quite some time since I have posted in here so I figured it is time for a new one. It is the day after Christmas and I am feeling much gratitude for being able to have a day dedicated to nothing but relaxing. The new year is quickly approaching and I am left reflecting on this past year I have spent living in Switzerland. The idea that I am living anywhere but America is still surreal to me. My brain allow me to think about it a little bit but not too often or it starts to over-analyze everything. Lol! This past year has been a roller-coaster of emotions for me but now I am settling into everything much better. There have been opportunities that have just fallen in my lap that I know could only have come from God. He has provided me with so many blessings it's unbelievable at times! I have been able to get involved in several things that weren't anywhere on my agenda but somehow they just came across my path. I am excited to be a part of such an amazing youth group here. To be able to be a part of a group and see where God is leading them just thrills me! The ladies group will be meeting again soon and I am also looking forward to that. They are really nice and it is so encouraging to be able to meet other people too. 

My biggest struggle has been the language. I have learned quite a lot of German since I have been here and speak it every day with the kids, but some days I feel like I will never live up to people's expectations of me. So many people feel free to give their opinion of how I should be learning, how I should be speaking and what I should not be doing. What is difficult for me is to hear so much criticism instead of being able to hear encouragement. I feel I have made so much progress, but it just seems to never be enough. There are definitely days when I cry myself to sleep because I feel stupid or misunderstood. Those are my "woe is me" kinda days. So pretty much you could tell me my fingernails are too long and I would burst into tears. I definitely try not to have to many of those days! But it just kinda surprises me how so many people feel free to criticize but not so free to compliment! Now mind you, there are definitely encouraging people here too. Don't get the wrong idea. I have people here who really make an effort to make me feel welcome and included and encouraged. These are the people I try to cling to ;) 

Enough about that. I am so looking forward to being able to visit the States in February. I don't know when the next time I will be going back after that so it will be nice to see everyone. I miss my friends and family a lot but I am grateful to the new friendships I have here. I really feel home here and can't imagine living back in the States anytime soon. I guess this is what it feels like when you finally find the exact place where God wants you. Even though I struggle, I just have this deep peace that comforts me and reminds me I am here for one purpose. To further His kingdom :)     

Blankets of Peace

It has been quite some time since I have posted a blog on here. I feel as though the time here is passing by very quickly. One second it's February and the next it's July! Time always goes faster when you are non-stop I guess huh? Work has been very demanding but also rewarding. There have been many times that I have questioned myself, but each time God sent me reassurance. It never ceases to amaze me how His peace is like a blanket resting over me keeping my spirit from breaking. This perseverance is definitely not my own, that's for sure.

Last week I was in Provence, France with my cousins and it was quite an adventure. It was a whole bunch of experiences that range from: seeing flamingos on the side of the road, seeing incredibly beautiful old cities with so many stories, eating raw fish (by mistake of course...when you don't speak French, it's hard to know what you are ordering) and managing to not throw it up, hiding from enormous spiders waiting to attack me and just realizing what an amazing artist God is. All of the natural colors I saw were just incredible. From the many shades of purple in the fields of lavender, the glorious greens in the vineyards, hills and olive trees and the bright yellow hues in the fields of sunflowers, it was amazing. He thought of each of those colors and with such craftsmanship, painted everything to stand out in it's own uniqueness.

I am off this week too and am very excited to be spending this week with my mom. We are going to Colmar this weekend with a friend I have made over here and it is quite exciting. I am feeling as though I am finding places in this country to call my own. Experiences that will stay in my memory for a lifetime are coming all the time! There are things that happen to try to steal this joy all the time, sometimes daily. But I am a survivor in Jesus and will not be held down by these attacks. Finances are definitely hard as this country has some of the most expensive prices I have ever seen for your average, daily things. This is a constant battle for me, but Jesus is really providing for me. There are days I have to remind myself of that, but I usually remember (normally through a friend's advice or encouragement) and thats the important part. 

I want to, again, thank all of those people who are praying for me as I am living in a foreign place with lots of foreign traditions and foreign mentalities. Those prayers are keeping me going. I am so blessed to have such awesome prayer warriors standing behind me. I will be needing those prayers next Wednesday (July 18th) when I have to say goodbye to my mom as saying goodbye to my dad ended in me bawling my eyes out. I won't be seeing my parents again until next year and that's definitely a hard pill to swallow!! Thanks again and until next time...ciao! :)

Making Progress

So there has been much progress in my German class. I am feeling more comfortable with my fellow classmates and have made two friends. We walk to the tram after class together and its quite perfect. They both speak Portuguese with each other, he speaks English with me and then she speaks German with me. It is probably quite comical if you were to walk past us. Then when he takes a different tram, her and I speak German (if that's what you want to call it...lol) together. Its nice because I can't speak her mother language and she can't speak mine, so we are forced to make sentences in German. They are not very good, but we understand each other. The good thing is that we both can understand Spanish...so when we don't find the word in German, we say it in Spanish. Lol!! I have grown to really appreciate our walks together.

The other day, I was finished with my work early so the teacher had me read a conversation in German with my classmate and he had to write down what I was saying. I really enjoyed it and the teacher even complimented my teaching abilities which got me thinking about a few things. I have quite a few things I have been praying about and feel led to follow through with some of them. I will be posting at a later time about that.

It really is as if I am watching this whole experience through the eyes of somebody else. It's such a surreal experience, being here in Switzerland. The culture is just so different. I am getting used to some of the changes. For example, I was on skype this morning with my Mom and she was making breakfast. When she pulled out the eggs, I was like wow! I totally forgot about how many eggs you can buy at once in America! Here they sell them in packages of 4 or 6! Lol! So little things like that amuse me. Life is quite different. I really wouldn't have it any other way though. Walking in the path that God has laid out for me is the only place to be :)

Revelation

I have several exciting things to share in this blog. The first is that my eye infection has completely cleared. I went to the doctor for the fourth time and was told the infection is completely gone. They know the infection was caused by a bacteria but not sure how I got the bacteria. Anyways, so that's that :) The healing was a definite, I just didn't know when it would take place :) So thank you to everyone who lifted me up in prayer!

Another thing that has happened is that God has shown me why I am here. This is really exciting for me because I came here not knowing why He wanted me here. I am not free to put everything on this blog, but I will share some. When I felt lead to come here, I knew it was God drawing me here, but had no idea what in the world He would use me for. I thought of a few things, but nothing like huge or anything. Well, I am called to be a missionary here in Switzerland. An intercessor for the people here. Intercession was not really ever anything I thought of for myself so this was definitely a surprise to me. Now some of you may be laughing because I know there are some that already think of me as a missionary here. I didn't until last week. It was the first time I felt certain of it. I guess I thought that a missionary was someone who would go up to random people and just tell them about Jesus so this is why I didn't feel like this. But God revealed to me that I am telling people about Jesus in a different way...by sharing His love with people. So maybe one day I am just called to smile at every person I see, another day I have to pray for random people who walk past me. It's funny because He is using me in a way that fits my personality. I don't know why I am surprised, but He has that effect on me. I tend to want to make people feel encouraged and loved instead of pushed away, so using me for a gentle approach towards His people is exciting.

I think that a lot of times (this is just my opinion mind you), Christians tend to push and push until they end up pushing people further from Christ instead of pulling them closer. Instead of showing them that you love them no matter where they are in there life, we point out all of their flaws. This is something that makes me really upset because we really have to take care in how we talk to people. If we are condemning and putting blame and shame on people, how is this showing God's love? It's not! He loves His people no matter where they are in their life. If they are gay, if they are serving other gods, He still loves them. Those people will not turn away from their life if all they hear from Christians is about how awful their life is and they are awful and going to hell because they have tattoos and piercings all over their bodies. They need to feel loved. They need to see something different in us then from what they expect to see. Anyways, obviously I get a little heated about that.

The other cool thing that happened was that I was asked in my German class why I came here. Now, when you have no filter, things just come out of your mouth. Well, truth comes out of my mouth and I have no time to think about it. This is a good thing, because I probably wouldn't say half of the things I do if I thought about it too long. Anyways, So I told them that I am a Christian and that I felt like I was supposed to be here in Switzerland. Afterwards I was like, oh I hope I didn't offend anyone! That's what I mean, I am glad I don't think about it! There are several men from India in my class and I have no idea, yet, where they are in their faith. Muslim or Hindu possibly. After I said that, one of them wouldn't stop looking at me so I think there may have been something sparked inside of him. Please pray for him and actually all of the people in my German class if you remember. They have been heavy on my heart the past few days.

So that is what is going on here that I can share with you for now :) Please keep praying...it is much appreciated. Really, it really is.

You Raise Me Up

Today the lyrics from the song "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban are heavy on my heart. For the past few days, I have felt like the verse is where I am. I am weary. I am not going to blog about whats going on to make me feel so, just that its how I am feeling. My heart feels heavy today. Here are the lyrics:

You Raise Me Up (Josh Groban)
"When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be."

The chorus reminds me that even when I feel exactly like that verse, God is with me and raising me up on His shoulders to accomplish more than I can on my own. Even when I am feeling down, He is still God. He is still strong. He is still my provider. He is still my hope. He is still my joy and my peace. He is still worthy of my praise. So today, on a day where I feel like just being in bed and sleeping all day, I will get up and go out to do what He has asked me to do. I can only do this because it is HE who has given me the strength to do so.

Thanks Lord, for raising me up so that this heaviness falls away and is replaced with your quiet, powerful peace.

Chaos to Peace :)

I have had a very interesting week so far. This was the first week that we had the new kids coming and they are super cute! It has been nice getting to know them and having them get used to me. I can feed them now without them getting upset and put them down for naps without tantrums. This is nice :) On Thursday I actually spoke in German with the older man I had so wanted to have a chance to talk with again. I have seen him almost every day and wave at him and smile no matter how far away he is. It's funny but I felt a connection with this man. I wonder how his life was, if he was ever married and if so if his wife passed away or if she is still alive. I only ever see him with his little white dog and I don't know...there is a sadness I feel about him. Strange to me how I can feel something for someone I don't know. Anyways, so I was walking to work and he was walking his dog back to his home. I smiled like normal and started to say "Guten Tag" like normal when all of a sudden he starts speaking to me! The ironic part is the night before, i had started a blog about how I cant wait until I can speak to him in German! I didn't post it because I had a feeling like it was unfinished. So he starts speaking to me and I have no idea what he is saying. So, by the grace of God I am able to pull up all the German knowledge I have and tell him (in German) that I am from America and am learning German but only understand a little bit now. I told him my name and asked his. I feel funny about putting his name on here for now so lets call him Joe, which is so obviously NOT a German name huh? Anyways, so Joe starts talking again and I tell you I have NO idea what he is saying but all of a sudden it comes to me and I just know he is asking about work. So i tell him I take care of children. He then tells me I speak good German and I say thank you and that's it! We walked our separate ways and I had a smile the size of Texas on my face :) I was so encouraged!

So, it was a normal day and I stayed at Claudia's for dinner because we were going to the store after. By the time we were done at the store, my eye wouldn't stop watering and was feeling like I had something stuck in it. I get home and take out my contacts only to have it become even worse. I Washed my eye out with some eyewash and thought I would go to sleep to see if its better in the morning. Well, sleep did not come. It was so painful that I couldn't sleep. I had a small glass of wine as it usually makes me sleepy and that did nothing. I took nyquil which knocks me out and that did nothing. I ended up calling my parents at 1am because I started to get a little anxious. My left eye just kept watering and burning. They prayed for me and I tried to go back to sleep...well I got one hour of sleep and then decided I needed to go to the hospital. The cool thing is that here there is a hospital just for eyes and it happens to be around the corner from my house :) My Aunt had to walk with me as my eye was swollen shut and I couldn't really see that well. I went in thinking it was just a scratch or a hair and it turned out to be a severe infection with the possibility of me losing my cornea if it was not treated immediately. I was upset but the funny thing is I never got scared. I knew that it would work out and I felt this was an attack on my joy as I had just had such an amazing day. I was not letting this take it away!

I went today to the hospital for another checkup and the doctor was quite impressed. She said that there was a lot of improvement and it looked great. I told her I have a lot of people praying for me (you know...this stuff just comes out...it's like I don't have a filter...which I guess is a good thing because if you think to much before you want to say something, chances are you wont say it...lol) and then I was like oh! I hope I didn't offend her! Well, you know she said "Tell them to keep praying because it's working!". I almost fell out of my chair! Lol! Awesome :) So I have another appointment on Thursday and will be making even more progress by then, I just know it!

German lessons are going well and I am making good progress but that is for another blog another day :) I try so hard to make these blogs short but it just doesn't happen. Thanks to everyone who has the patience to read them! I am glad that my learning lessons are able to minister to people :)

Treasuring Life

I just got back from a weeks vacation in the mountains and it was gorgeous. I am actually not very fond of the snow but this changed my opinion. Actually there is something different about the snow in the mountains too. I mean its EVERYWHERE and super deep. However, it's not cold like you would think. I walked around in leggings and a hoodie and was actually warm at times. My cousin and I went to the top of the mountain and hiked down. I think it took us around 3 or 4 hours and I was completely wiped at the end but I felt extremely accomplished having not worked out in a long time and then being able to do something like that! I tell you what, I am not sure how anyone goes up to the mountains and doesn't believe in God. He is the master artist and the mountains prove that. GORGEOUS!!

While I was up there, I had some moments where I could really tell God was trying to get my attention on some issues. I tell you what, its very quiet up there and hard to miss His voice! First of all, let me just say that I am completely aware everyone and anyone could read this. Anything that I put on this blog is intended to be on it. I will never discuss personal/private matters about my friends or family on here because I believe that is not right. However, I will be completely transparent when it comes to myself with whatever God is telling me to put on here. I mean of course I won't be posting everything about myself because that is not necessary. I really do think it's important for people to see it's okay to be honest with yourself about yourself in front of others. Actually, I think its vital. How can I live the life Jesus has asked me to live if I am living in fear of what everyone thinks of me? I have chosen to live this life unafraid of peoples opinions, good or bad and I have heard both good and bad opinions from people about myself. I lived my life far too long always worrying what people are thinking. NO MORE! I am who God has made me to be and if I am living the way He has asked me to live, then that is all there is to it. I really feel God has asked me to make things He has changed in me public knowledge. This doesn't glorify me at all. It glorifies Him. It actually is not that easy to point out all my flaws and mistakes, but when it brings Him glory, that's when it can help someone and this DOES make it easier to share. It becomes less about me and my situations and more about Him and what He is able to do through people when they let Him. He made this quite evident to me in the mountains.

Another thing God brought my attention to was the verse Matthew 6:21 "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." This really made me question where my treasure was. When I finally got the internet in my flat I was so excited! I thought, finally I can catch up on all my shows I am missing! I tried the website, Hulu, which I always use to watch any missed shows. Well it turns out you can only use that when you are in America and my smart computer knows I'm in Switzerland. I tried the actual shows website. Same problem. I then had a slight panic attack. Oh my GOODNESS! You mean to tell me I can't watch any of the shows (and there were quite a few let me just say) anymore?? For at least a YEAR? Freaking out is a good way to put what happened. I was so upset. I told my mom and asked her what she thought and we were trying to figure out what to do about it. So when this verse popped into my mind, where do you think my treasure was? Yup. So I think that me not being able to watch those shows, although I have to say I am still unhappy about it, is probably one of the best things that could have happened to me. I mean I could honestly say I was really addicted to TV. All I have now are the movies I brought with me. So I have no choice really but to find something other to do with my time in my flat. Honestly, what would I be doing if I came here and then decided to live the same way I was living in the States? What would that accomplish?

So really ask yourself where your treasure lies. I don't say this in a condemning way at all because that is not how Jesus would speak to us either. All I am asking, is for you to really think about something you think you couldn't live without (shopping, TV, facebook...whatever) and try living without it for a day or 2 and see if it's really that important. You will most likely find you don't need whatever it is that you are clinging to and can then ask God to give you a healthy balance. It's not reasonable to say you will never watch another show or ever use the computer. It is, however, reasonable to make sure whatever it is doesn't become an obstacle between you and God. It really is always about balance. I think anything can become like an idol to us if we let it. Shopping isn't bad if it's in moderation and neither are any of the other things I mentioned. I hope this is making sense ;) Anyways, that's where I am at today. Missing what is left behind but grateful for God placing new things in my life. I hope this has ministered to someone today :)