Preparing the Way

You know how reflecting can sometimes lead to a revelation? Today I have had one of those revelations. I was thinking about where I was January 2010 compared to where I am now and how one choice to go all in for God has changed my life completely. It was the starting point of God preparing the way for me to go to Switzerland. I always thought I knew what a relationship with God felt like since I feel like I have been saved my whole life. Growing up in church and being there more than twice a week every week was such a blessing. For some people that much church can really turn them against God...but it didn't seem to have that effect on me. Even when I left church for a year I still felt (at that time) that I was close with God. In reality, 2009 was the darkest year for me as I felt the joy I had, once bubbling over, fade away until I felt isolated and empty.

I still don't remember what made me decide to go back to Cornerstone in January of 2010. I was at a low, emotionally, that I had not experienced before. There was all of a sudden this urgency to be back in church, even though I really didn't want to be there. So I made a decision that I was going to be there every Sunday and that decision led to an UNBELIEVABLE relationship with God. Honestly, God is the only reason I was able to go every Sunday. Even though it wasn't really about church, I knew if I missed one Sunday that it would lead to another and another missed Sunday. Church doesn't make you a Christian, but if you are striving to go after God, you want everything there is to draw you in closer to Him. I guess it was about obedience in the beginning. Even though it took me months to get involved in any kind of ministry, God stood by me the whole time. That drive to get closer to God led me to choir, as worship is my way of...I don't even know how to explain it...breathing? I had no idea how big that void was until I started singing again. I felt complete again. This was the beginning of an amazing journey I have taken since then. God has brought me trust, joy and faith that has come out of struggles I never imagined I would go through. My heart was broken numerous times as he pruned and pruned and pruned me until I thought I could take NO MORE!! Being the faithful God that He is, my heart was mended and filled with joy overflowing. I don't regret any situation I went through to bring to the place I am now. I pray God will continue to work in me and mold me more and more in His image.

Revelations like these bring me comfort because they remind me that everything really does happen for a reason. I mean, what if I decided not to come back to church? Not to pursue a relationship with God? How empty and miserable would I still be? What choices would I have made? I wouldn't be going to Switzerland, that's for sure!! I would probably still be in debt and feeling unusable and hopeless. It's unthinkable that I could ever go back to that kind of life. Don't get me wrong, I make mistakes all the time. It's always been really hard for me to handle change of any kind, but even that is getting easier. However, I am constantly facing issues with surrendering obstacles completely. I find I like to keep at least a fingernail on things I claim to have surrendered. Giving up control is probably my biggest struggle. Days where I feel attacks on my joy remind me of that song "Moving Forward". I will never go back. Moving forward is the only choice there is. If I fall, Guilt will not hold me back. There is only getting back up and moving forward.

For anyone reading this who feels that empty "point of no return" feeling, it's a lie. There is NOTHING you could do that could take away God's love for you. Believe me, I have been there. It's a lie that holds you back. Don't let it anymore. You know what you need to do. Make that choice today because you don't want to waste another second. It's SO worth it!!

Man...I don't know where this blog came from but maybe someone needed to hear it. I don't usually like to put all my business out there like this. Lol ;)