Standing Firm

There are 6 days until I board the plane and begin a new life in Switzerland, following wherever it is God wants to take me. How am I feeling? I am actually very tired. I am at a very strange place today. It feels like satans attacks are coming every single day and quite frequently throughout the day. So when I say I am clinging to God's peace, I am CLINGING for dear life! I had my first complete breakdown yesterday night after church, which I didn't expect. I found myself looking around my room, which looked like a train had just run through it, and feeling completely overwhelmed. Having a messy room was like the straw that broke the camels back. I like order and organization and I was not finding it anywhere. My mom walked in my room to check on me because I pretty much had just come in the house from church and went straight upstairs. Well, the second I saw her I completely broke.

The day had consisted of 3 amazing situations. I had an amazing lunch with a friend and our conversation was really encouraging and uplifting. Then another friend came to help me pack one suitcase (I have found small goals are extremely helpful when there is a lot to d0) and we did it! We packed an amazing amount of clothes and shoes into one suitcase thanks to space bags :) Then I get this phone call from my cousin who gave me AMAZING news about how my finances will be over there. So I was rejoicing in all those things and just blown away by how great God is. I have (as you can tell by the blogs lately) been so in awe of God's amazing power in my life and the life of those around me. His hand is really over everything!

Then...I get to church and I walk in super excited and BAM! I am attacked not once but three different times. I tried to brush it off and surrender it during worship but the crack that satan had snuck through (which always has to do with my self esteem/ self worth) got a little bigger. ALL service, there was a battle going on in my head: "You aren't good enough! You are so selfish! You are a burden!" SHUT UP!! I have the peace of God, I have the peace of God. I know I was getting attacked to try to get me to not focus on the message in front of me, part of which was talking about how David was praising God even as he faced great trials. So what did I do? I talked for a little bit after church, laughed with some friends, and then I came home and just lost it. I felt like I could have sobbed for hours. It was such a strange feeling!

While I was crying, I totally felt this release of everything that had happened and God's peace covering me like a blanket. In my head, praises kept coming out to God about everything He has already done for me and what He is still going to do through me. But I just kept crying! I really was exhausted in every sense of the word, but still had His peace. Does that make any sense? Anyways...you know what? Praise God for that release of emotions, even though crying is something I am NOT a fan of. He has blessed me beyond measure even in the midst of battle. PRAISE HIM! I stand firm in His peace and joy and am not budging. Tears will not bring me down! I am victorious in HIS name! The enemy has been DEFEATED and he has NO hold over me.

I will please ask anyone who is reading this to be in constant prayer for me over the next 6 days. However God leads you, please pray. I know there will be more battles and trials before I leave but with God on my side, I will get through them! There is power in prayer! Thank you, Lord for your amazing peace covering me.