A Well Watered Garden

We are fasting for the first 21 days in January and memorizing Isaiah 58 at church right now and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. Verse 11 seems to be the only verse I can memorize at the moment and maybe you will see why: "The Lord will guide you always. He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and strengthen your frame. You will be a well watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Really?? Perfect. Lately I have really been feeling intense joy which is an extremely overwhelming feeling (in a good way of course). It hits me at really strange (but perfect) times, usually when I need it most. Looking at my friends laughing and talking to each other; watching the congregation at Cornerstone worshiping; seeing kids (that were in the second grade class I aided with Ms. Kitty) grow from age 7 to 15 and making the choice to go after God...JOY! My heart is filled with this intense love and happiness and I really truly feel like "a well watered garden; a spring whose waters never fail". As I will be leaving my friends and family behind (physically...never emotionally or spiritually), I am left feeling like God has filled me so that I will be fine without everyone overseas. I will be able to let my joy and love bubble over to all those around me without feeling empty because my joy is based on HIM.

Yesterday, I felt excited for the first time that I am actually leaving in less than 2 weeks. I have not been upset, because God's peace has been surrounding me BIG time, but I haven't been excited. My excitement and sadness were so equal that when someone asked how I felt, it was hard to respond because I didn't know how to explain how I was feeling. I was so sad to stop working at my job because I had grown comfortable. I was sad to sell my car because I paid for that all by myself and paid it off completely. I am sad to leave my friends because I feel like we just started something exciting. Do you notice a pattern though? Complacency. That is a very dangerous place to be. Satan has really been attacking my emotions every day about changing so much and stepping outside of my comfort zone. He really doesn't want me to go, which is the very reason I must. So take that! I love how satan's attacks are turned around to show me how faithful and steadfast God is. EVERY single time!! For example, God gave me a perfect day in NYC with a bunch of friends because He knew come Monday when I had to sell my car, I would be struggling pretty bad. Just remembering His faithfulness to give us perfect weather, perfect conversation and laughter, opportunities to share His love with not one but TWO people...joy! Am I really going to let my sorrow over giving up so much of what I have come comfortable holding onto take away that joy I felt Saturday in NYC? Nope. Okay...I'll be honest...maybe for like a few hours. But then it came down to surrender, surrender, surrender. Man is there some freedom in surrender or what? Why do we hold onto anything?? Fear really blows things waaaay out of proportion! When you finally get brave enough to surrender, you're like really? That's it? That's all I had to do this whole time? It's really going to work out now? YUP! Amazing :)

Lord thank You for every single trial I have gone through to get me where I am with You today. Let me continue to grow in You more every day so that my spring never fails.