It's coming on 3 weeks now and I feel as though I have been here for already a year! I am really enjoying my time here so far. There have definitely been struggles and frustrations but God is so gracious. I already feel like I am at home here and can imagine staying. However, I will not make that decision after only 3 weeks…lol! I really am starting to see reasons for being here. I see a lot of hardness in people…even children. I smile at people on the tram and they look at me like I'm crazy. So I just keep smiling :) One of my cousins asked if people in America are happier than the Swiss because I am laughing and smiling all the time. I think the people are nice here once you get to know them personally but smiling at strangers is not common. I am really looking forward to how the children will act once I have been here for maybe 2 months or so. Right now they are getting used to me and as I can't really communicate with them yet, it's interesting. All but two of the children come from broken homes and only one is raised in a christian home. They are so adorable and I love being around children again. I notice sometimes that they seem like they want to get close but are afraid so they pull away. They are quite different than American children. It's funny because I didn't take that into consideration. I figured because children are children, they would be the same. But I guess the environment plays a big part in behavior. They are quite reserved…part of which I am sure comes from instability but I am already praying against that! Yesterday I had a breakthrough with the children. 2 of the girls (Laura and Alisha both 2 yrs old) were letting me feed them with no issues and then were playing with me and hanging on me…it was so nice! It has been really hard not having the children be able to understand me and not wanting to be around me since they are so reserved. Breakthrough was a huge victory!! I just keep praying whenever they push me away and try not to take it so personal (easier said than done) and that seems to help.
There have been several times I have seen that God really had someone praying for me at a specific time. I am so grateful for the prayers! I think sometimes we think that just praying is not doing enough but rest assured…there is power in prayer and it works!!! I was sad when Elizabeth left last week and was left on my own because it was such a blessing having her here, but it actually has been quite nice! I thought I would be lonely but I really am not. I am starting to enjoy the quietness and don't even feel like I have to put on music or anything. Just think and pray and think some more. My apartment is coming along quite nice and I am really feeling at home. I will be glad when everything is organized and finished so I don't feel like when I come home from work or school that I have to do something. I just finished painting this cabinet white and it took a week. I am so glad its finished and it was soooo worth it!
German school has been very trying. Trying my patience that is. The german teacher only speaks german and its really stressful. I think the lesson this wednesday was the best so far though because she taught us something that I actually feel I can use and its soooo helpful! I left with a smile on my face! I get nervous walking to the tram station after class even though its before 8pm and shouldn't be an issue. Its the only time I am nervous actually because every other station I feel has more people around and this one is kinda…eh. I walk super fast and sit clutching my purse tight. I really need to work on that I think. I know God will take care of me no matter what so I need to be more trusting and less fearful. There are always people around but its less than all the other stations. I am getting used to riding the tram everywhere and I quite enjoy it..unless I just miss the tram and have to wait 7 whole minutes for the next one. It doesn't sound so awful when I write it though does it? Wow. 7 minutes. LOL!
Ok I have to say one last thing and then go because I am going on ski holiday with my cousins tomorrow and I haven't packed yet. So there is this old man with a little white dog who lives in one of the houses I pass everyday on my walk to Claudia's house. I smile at the little dog and also at he when I see him. He looked at me strange at first but today he actually greeted me and looked like he was wanting to talk. As I was headed to work, I nodded and greeted him (of course I spoke wrong and used the personal german instead of formal…oops!) and then kept walking. I then felt really sad and asked God to give me another opportunity with him because I feel like I could have (tried to) say something else. Maybe all he needed was a "Have a nice day". Ya know? I was so bummed out that I missed out on that but am really looking forward to the next time I see him. I really was smiling the whole way to Claudia's after that because seeing him smile and greet me really made my day. Two breakthroughs!!! Woot! OK I have to go now :) I will be back in a week! Auf Wiedersehen!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
First blog in Switzerland from 1.31.12
Where do I even begin to start…my brain is like butter that has been left out for far too long. It's 6:15am right now and I have been up since 5am. Sleeping a full night has been difficult. I have started to feel disconnected from what seems like (well…it is actually) "my former life" in America. I have not been able to use the internet in 5 days or call anyone besides my parents. I have not spoken with them for more than 15 minutes at a time…which has been like 3 times. Oh…actually I was able to call Jaci for a hot second. That was nice :)
It feels like I have been in Switzerland already for a month. Since I have been here, each day has been filled with things that need to be done in order for me to stay such as: Unpack (still being done), shop for furniture for my flat (almost done), open a bank account (if I were not a Swiss citizen, this wouldn't even be possible with everything going on between America and the banks here), buy internet access (which I won't have for 3 more days), start german school (we will get to that later), meet the children (adorable) and parents I will be working with, etc. I could go on.
Many things have been a source of stress since I arrived here but let me assure you, I serve a God of unbelievable peace and grace (both of which are being poured over me) and I will be fine. He knew how hard this would be even though my mind could not grasp it. He knew I would really need companionship and so He provided me with Elizabeth. She is here with me for the first two weeks and unfortunately, has seen my cry on numerous occasions. I honestly am not sure how I would be coping if she would not have come with me. We are able to walk around the city of Basel together and if we get lost (which only by the grace of God we have NOT!) at least we are together! What an AMAZING God! As I sit here typing, my eyes start to fill just thinking about how much God has truly blessed me. My cousins (Claudia and her husband Markus) have been absolutely wonderful to me and are really happy to have me here. Their daughter, Jasmin, is so excited I am here and makes me feel really special.
I had probably the worst day ever yesterday (Monday) as I had to go to German school by myself for the 1st class (yes…I had to start after only being here for 4 days) and take the tram (sort of like our subway but its above ground and waaaay cooler) all by myself. I missed the tram FOUR times. By the way, thats every time I had to get on a new tram. Not once did I make it in time. Then, I get off the tram and have no idea where I am. I prayed for God to guide my feet and He most certainly did. I wanted to turn right but my feet took me left. Really strange…really God ;) Once I arrive (20 minutes late), I find out that there will be NO ENGLISH spoken in the class…just German. Anyone who knows me, knows I need LOTS of explanation. I sat through the class staring at the lady as she asked me questions I could not answer because I had NO IDEA what she was saying. I said America, she said USA (which sounds like "oo s ah") as they don't call it America because that includes South America. So what did I do when I arrived at Claudia's for dinner after class and after missing the tram a few more times? Burst into tears. Again. Did I mention a man approached me at one of the tram stations and freaked me out? Yep.
Let me just say, I have learned how to pray and trust God more than I ever have before. I can't imagine being here and going through all of this without his amazing power in my life. He has the ability to turn my tears into praise songs. He helps me focus on the positive things that have happened since I have gotten here instead of the negative. He focuses my sight on the future and not the present. May the joy He has given me be absolutely contagious to all who cross my path (which they really need here). I miss all of my friends very much but I think this time of separation from everyone in America has been vital to me accepting everything going on around me here. However, I cannot wait until I can communicate with everyone again!! I can't even post this blog right now! As soon as I can connect to the internet, email, Facebook and Skype…here I come! Lol ;)
By the way, my flat is coming along and is super cute. God really stretched the money I had set aside as I have been able to buy a lot with a little :) I will be posting pictures soon. You know how there are no closets in Europe for the most part? I ended up with a flat that has the biggest walk in ever! Ok…not the biggest…y'all know I can be dramatic…but it's an awesome size for sure :) Just the fact that I have one is amazing! My uncle actually made it himself :) Also, I am going to be thin in no time…these stairs are killer! My legs are slowly getting tighter and stronger. It's awesome…unless its 10pm and I feel like crawling into bed instead of up the 6 flights of stairs. Anyways, This is the longest blog ever but I hope it has made some sort of sense and helped you guys feel connected with me and what I am dealing with! Prayers are much appreciated. I am going back to sleep for a bit. Night!
It feels like I have been in Switzerland already for a month. Since I have been here, each day has been filled with things that need to be done in order for me to stay such as: Unpack (still being done), shop for furniture for my flat (almost done), open a bank account (if I were not a Swiss citizen, this wouldn't even be possible with everything going on between America and the banks here), buy internet access (which I won't have for 3 more days), start german school (we will get to that later), meet the children (adorable) and parents I will be working with, etc. I could go on.
Many things have been a source of stress since I arrived here but let me assure you, I serve a God of unbelievable peace and grace (both of which are being poured over me) and I will be fine. He knew how hard this would be even though my mind could not grasp it. He knew I would really need companionship and so He provided me with Elizabeth. She is here with me for the first two weeks and unfortunately, has seen my cry on numerous occasions. I honestly am not sure how I would be coping if she would not have come with me. We are able to walk around the city of Basel together and if we get lost (which only by the grace of God we have NOT!) at least we are together! What an AMAZING God! As I sit here typing, my eyes start to fill just thinking about how much God has truly blessed me. My cousins (Claudia and her husband Markus) have been absolutely wonderful to me and are really happy to have me here. Their daughter, Jasmin, is so excited I am here and makes me feel really special.
I had probably the worst day ever yesterday (Monday) as I had to go to German school by myself for the 1st class (yes…I had to start after only being here for 4 days) and take the tram (sort of like our subway but its above ground and waaaay cooler) all by myself. I missed the tram FOUR times. By the way, thats every time I had to get on a new tram. Not once did I make it in time. Then, I get off the tram and have no idea where I am. I prayed for God to guide my feet and He most certainly did. I wanted to turn right but my feet took me left. Really strange…really God ;) Once I arrive (20 minutes late), I find out that there will be NO ENGLISH spoken in the class…just German. Anyone who knows me, knows I need LOTS of explanation. I sat through the class staring at the lady as she asked me questions I could not answer because I had NO IDEA what she was saying. I said America, she said USA (which sounds like "oo s ah") as they don't call it America because that includes South America. So what did I do when I arrived at Claudia's for dinner after class and after missing the tram a few more times? Burst into tears. Again. Did I mention a man approached me at one of the tram stations and freaked me out? Yep.
Let me just say, I have learned how to pray and trust God more than I ever have before. I can't imagine being here and going through all of this without his amazing power in my life. He has the ability to turn my tears into praise songs. He helps me focus on the positive things that have happened since I have gotten here instead of the negative. He focuses my sight on the future and not the present. May the joy He has given me be absolutely contagious to all who cross my path (which they really need here). I miss all of my friends very much but I think this time of separation from everyone in America has been vital to me accepting everything going on around me here. However, I cannot wait until I can communicate with everyone again!! I can't even post this blog right now! As soon as I can connect to the internet, email, Facebook and Skype…here I come! Lol ;)
By the way, my flat is coming along and is super cute. God really stretched the money I had set aside as I have been able to buy a lot with a little :) I will be posting pictures soon. You know how there are no closets in Europe for the most part? I ended up with a flat that has the biggest walk in ever! Ok…not the biggest…y'all know I can be dramatic…but it's an awesome size for sure :) Just the fact that I have one is amazing! My uncle actually made it himself :) Also, I am going to be thin in no time…these stairs are killer! My legs are slowly getting tighter and stronger. It's awesome…unless its 10pm and I feel like crawling into bed instead of up the 6 flights of stairs. Anyways, This is the longest blog ever but I hope it has made some sort of sense and helped you guys feel connected with me and what I am dealing with! Prayers are much appreciated. I am going back to sleep for a bit. Night!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Standing Firm
There are 6 days until I board the plane and begin a new life in Switzerland, following wherever it is God wants to take me. How am I feeling? I am actually very tired. I am at a very strange place today. It feels like satans attacks are coming every single day and quite frequently throughout the day. So when I say I am clinging to God's peace, I am CLINGING for dear life! I had my first complete breakdown yesterday night after church, which I didn't expect. I found myself looking around my room, which looked like a train had just run through it, and feeling completely overwhelmed. Having a messy room was like the straw that broke the camels back. I like order and organization and I was not finding it anywhere. My mom walked in my room to check on me because I pretty much had just come in the house from church and went straight upstairs. Well, the second I saw her I completely broke.
The day had consisted of 3 amazing situations. I had an amazing lunch with a friend and our conversation was really encouraging and uplifting. Then another friend came to help me pack one suitcase (I have found small goals are extremely helpful when there is a lot to d0) and we did it! We packed an amazing amount of clothes and shoes into one suitcase thanks to space bags :) Then I get this phone call from my cousin who gave me AMAZING news about how my finances will be over there. So I was rejoicing in all those things and just blown away by how great God is. I have (as you can tell by the blogs lately) been so in awe of God's amazing power in my life and the life of those around me. His hand is really over everything!
Then...I get to church and I walk in super excited and BAM! I am attacked not once but three different times. I tried to brush it off and surrender it during worship but the crack that satan had snuck through (which always has to do with my self esteem/ self worth) got a little bigger. ALL service, there was a battle going on in my head: "You aren't good enough! You are so selfish! You are a burden!" SHUT UP!! I have the peace of God, I have the peace of God. I know I was getting attacked to try to get me to not focus on the message in front of me, part of which was talking about how David was praising God even as he faced great trials. So what did I do? I talked for a little bit after church, laughed with some friends, and then I came home and just lost it. I felt like I could have sobbed for hours. It was such a strange feeling!
While I was crying, I totally felt this release of everything that had happened and God's peace covering me like a blanket. In my head, praises kept coming out to God about everything He has already done for me and what He is still going to do through me. But I just kept crying! I really was exhausted in every sense of the word, but still had His peace. Does that make any sense? Anyways...you know what? Praise God for that release of emotions, even though crying is something I am NOT a fan of. He has blessed me beyond measure even in the midst of battle. PRAISE HIM! I stand firm in His peace and joy and am not budging. Tears will not bring me down! I am victorious in HIS name! The enemy has been DEFEATED and he has NO hold over me.
I will please ask anyone who is reading this to be in constant prayer for me over the next 6 days. However God leads you, please pray. I know there will be more battles and trials before I leave but with God on my side, I will get through them! There is power in prayer! Thank you, Lord for your amazing peace covering me.
The day had consisted of 3 amazing situations. I had an amazing lunch with a friend and our conversation was really encouraging and uplifting. Then another friend came to help me pack one suitcase (I have found small goals are extremely helpful when there is a lot to d0) and we did it! We packed an amazing amount of clothes and shoes into one suitcase thanks to space bags :) Then I get this phone call from my cousin who gave me AMAZING news about how my finances will be over there. So I was rejoicing in all those things and just blown away by how great God is. I have (as you can tell by the blogs lately) been so in awe of God's amazing power in my life and the life of those around me. His hand is really over everything!
Then...I get to church and I walk in super excited and BAM! I am attacked not once but three different times. I tried to brush it off and surrender it during worship but the crack that satan had snuck through (which always has to do with my self esteem/ self worth) got a little bigger. ALL service, there was a battle going on in my head: "You aren't good enough! You are so selfish! You are a burden!" SHUT UP!! I have the peace of God, I have the peace of God. I know I was getting attacked to try to get me to not focus on the message in front of me, part of which was talking about how David was praising God even as he faced great trials. So what did I do? I talked for a little bit after church, laughed with some friends, and then I came home and just lost it. I felt like I could have sobbed for hours. It was such a strange feeling!
While I was crying, I totally felt this release of everything that had happened and God's peace covering me like a blanket. In my head, praises kept coming out to God about everything He has already done for me and what He is still going to do through me. But I just kept crying! I really was exhausted in every sense of the word, but still had His peace. Does that make any sense? Anyways...you know what? Praise God for that release of emotions, even though crying is something I am NOT a fan of. He has blessed me beyond measure even in the midst of battle. PRAISE HIM! I stand firm in His peace and joy and am not budging. Tears will not bring me down! I am victorious in HIS name! The enemy has been DEFEATED and he has NO hold over me.
I will please ask anyone who is reading this to be in constant prayer for me over the next 6 days. However God leads you, please pray. I know there will be more battles and trials before I leave but with God on my side, I will get through them! There is power in prayer! Thank you, Lord for your amazing peace covering me.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
A Well Watered Garden
We are fasting for the first 21 days in January and memorizing Isaiah 58 at church right now and the timing couldn't have been more perfect. Verse 11 seems to be the only verse I can memorize at the moment and maybe you will see why: "The Lord will guide you always. He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and strengthen your frame. You will be a well watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Really?? Perfect. Lately I have really been feeling intense joy which is an extremely overwhelming feeling (in a good way of course). It hits me at really strange (but perfect) times, usually when I need it most. Looking at my friends laughing and talking to each other; watching the congregation at Cornerstone worshiping; seeing kids (that were in the second grade class I aided with Ms. Kitty) grow from age 7 to 15 and making the choice to go after God...JOY! My heart is filled with this intense love and happiness and I really truly feel like "a well watered garden; a spring whose waters never fail". As I will be leaving my friends and family behind (physically...never emotionally or spiritually), I am left feeling like God has filled me so that I will be fine without everyone overseas. I will be able to let my joy and love bubble over to all those around me without feeling empty because my joy is based on HIM.
Yesterday, I felt excited for the first time that I am actually leaving in less than 2 weeks. I have not been upset, because God's peace has been surrounding me BIG time, but I haven't been excited. My excitement and sadness were so equal that when someone asked how I felt, it was hard to respond because I didn't know how to explain how I was feeling. I was so sad to stop working at my job because I had grown comfortable. I was sad to sell my car because I paid for that all by myself and paid it off completely. I am sad to leave my friends because I feel like we just started something exciting. Do you notice a pattern though? Complacency. That is a very dangerous place to be. Satan has really been attacking my emotions every day about changing so much and stepping outside of my comfort zone. He really doesn't want me to go, which is the very reason I must. So take that! I love how satan's attacks are turned around to show me how faithful and steadfast God is. EVERY single time!! For example, God gave me a perfect day in NYC with a bunch of friends because He knew come Monday when I had to sell my car, I would be struggling pretty bad. Just remembering His faithfulness to give us perfect weather, perfect conversation and laughter, opportunities to share His love with not one but TWO people...joy! Am I really going to let my sorrow over giving up so much of what I have come comfortable holding onto take away that joy I felt Saturday in NYC? Nope. Okay...I'll be honest...maybe for like a few hours. But then it came down to surrender, surrender, surrender. Man is there some freedom in surrender or what? Why do we hold onto anything?? Fear really blows things waaaay out of proportion! When you finally get brave enough to surrender, you're like really? That's it? That's all I had to do this whole time? It's really going to work out now? YUP! Amazing :)
Lord thank You for every single trial I have gone through to get me where I am with You today. Let me continue to grow in You more every day so that my spring never fails.
Yesterday, I felt excited for the first time that I am actually leaving in less than 2 weeks. I have not been upset, because God's peace has been surrounding me BIG time, but I haven't been excited. My excitement and sadness were so equal that when someone asked how I felt, it was hard to respond because I didn't know how to explain how I was feeling. I was so sad to stop working at my job because I had grown comfortable. I was sad to sell my car because I paid for that all by myself and paid it off completely. I am sad to leave my friends because I feel like we just started something exciting. Do you notice a pattern though? Complacency. That is a very dangerous place to be. Satan has really been attacking my emotions every day about changing so much and stepping outside of my comfort zone. He really doesn't want me to go, which is the very reason I must. So take that! I love how satan's attacks are turned around to show me how faithful and steadfast God is. EVERY single time!! For example, God gave me a perfect day in NYC with a bunch of friends because He knew come Monday when I had to sell my car, I would be struggling pretty bad. Just remembering His faithfulness to give us perfect weather, perfect conversation and laughter, opportunities to share His love with not one but TWO people...joy! Am I really going to let my sorrow over giving up so much of what I have come comfortable holding onto take away that joy I felt Saturday in NYC? Nope. Okay...I'll be honest...maybe for like a few hours. But then it came down to surrender, surrender, surrender. Man is there some freedom in surrender or what? Why do we hold onto anything?? Fear really blows things waaaay out of proportion! When you finally get brave enough to surrender, you're like really? That's it? That's all I had to do this whole time? It's really going to work out now? YUP! Amazing :)
Lord thank You for every single trial I have gone through to get me where I am with You today. Let me continue to grow in You more every day so that my spring never fails.
Friday, December 30, 2011
New Beginnings
I can't believe how fast the weeks are flying by! In 3 1/2 weeks I will be headed to Switzerland. As my last day of work approaches, I have mixed feelings. One minute I am excited to start something new, and the next I am terrified. What am I thinking? How can I be going to another country without my friends, church and family nearby? What if I don't have enough money to buy groceries and pay all the bills? What in the world will I do without all the comforts I have grown so accustomed to? Things such as: laundry dryer (most of them hang their clothes), different kinds of foods (sliced squishy bread...), air conditioning, etc. These thoughts attack me constantly. So I get still before God and listen. This amazing peace comes over me and covers every area of fear. He reminds me that He is more than enough for me. He will provide for me in EVERY single way I can imagine.
I realize that growing up in America, although I view it as a true blessing, has spoiled me in what I think I NEED to survive. Will it be a pain in the butt to hang my clothes up all the time? Yes. Will it kill me? Nope. Actually, they may even last longer! Am I excited to have to walk up and down 90 steps everyday to get to my apartment? Heck no! My lazy butt wants an elevator! But maybe I will lose some weight and get healthy for a change! Every little thing I think will be an inconvenience, God shows me there is actually a positive side too! He reminds me that He would not have opened the door for me to go to Switzerland, if He did not have a plan for me to be there. "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." ~John 16:33 NIV. What an amazing promise!
I am so incredibly grateful that I finally have a deeper relationship with God that allows me to hear his voice. What an AMAZING God I serve! There are times (such as right now) when my heart is so full of JOY that I feel like it could literally burst! Has your heart ever felt like that? So completely full? It's pretty amazing. It has come to my attention that people can actually tell when I am super joyful because I tend to speak in song. I laughed when someone shared that with me because I really do randomly sing about nothing in particular quite often without realizing it most of the time! I pray that everyone could experience this kind of joy at least once in their lifetime! Jesus is the only One who can bring happiness like this :) How can one go through life without Him? What a dark and lonely place it must be to not have His peace! This is why it is SO important for us to shine his light as bright as we can!!
"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" ~John 1:5 NIV
I realize that growing up in America, although I view it as a true blessing, has spoiled me in what I think I NEED to survive. Will it be a pain in the butt to hang my clothes up all the time? Yes. Will it kill me? Nope. Actually, they may even last longer! Am I excited to have to walk up and down 90 steps everyday to get to my apartment? Heck no! My lazy butt wants an elevator! But maybe I will lose some weight and get healthy for a change! Every little thing I think will be an inconvenience, God shows me there is actually a positive side too! He reminds me that He would not have opened the door for me to go to Switzerland, if He did not have a plan for me to be there. "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." ~John 16:33 NIV. What an amazing promise!
I am so incredibly grateful that I finally have a deeper relationship with God that allows me to hear his voice. What an AMAZING God I serve! There are times (such as right now) when my heart is so full of JOY that I feel like it could literally burst! Has your heart ever felt like that? So completely full? It's pretty amazing. It has come to my attention that people can actually tell when I am super joyful because I tend to speak in song. I laughed when someone shared that with me because I really do randomly sing about nothing in particular quite often without realizing it most of the time! I pray that everyone could experience this kind of joy at least once in their lifetime! Jesus is the only One who can bring happiness like this :) How can one go through life without Him? What a dark and lonely place it must be to not have His peace! This is why it is SO important for us to shine his light as bright as we can!!
"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" ~John 1:5 NIV
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Walking by Faith
So there are 50 more days until I take off :) I have really been amazed at how God continues to take me through situation after situation that is preparing me to be at my best in Switzerland. Although I will still be far from perfect, it will be much easier to not have situations holding me back from being the woman of God He has called me to be.
Today I wanted to talk about taking the easy way out and how it always seems to catch up with us. When we try to do things "our way", of course there is always a reason. Trying to save money, time or energy right? Well I know there have been things I have tried to take the easy way out of because God is having me deal with everything now. When you make a choice to go after God and EVERYTHING He has for you, that doesn't mean you get to walk away from past decisions and start over scott free. We are forgiven but God still wants us to deal with things that have been "put to the side". Take my health for example. I decided I wanted to save money so I started not going to the doctors on a regular basis. (and by doctors I mean primary care physician...dentist...eye doctor...all of them) Before I left for Switzerland I wanted to make sure everything was up to date so I have gone to ALL of those doctors in the past week. I was shocked to find out how many things were wrong with me all because I wanted to take the "cheap way out". My eye doctor told me because I kept my contacts for longer than I was supposed to (to save money) that my corneas are swollen, I now have an astigmatism in my left eye and I have blisters on my eyes and eyelids. I then had to buy glasses that same day as he said I could no longer wear contacts (for at least a month). I was so upset with myself because I ended up spending more money in one day than I would had I gone to see him for my check up 3 years ago (yes it had been that long). The funny thing is though, I was so grateful I listened to God to go before I left so this can be corrected now. He is SO faithful!!! I mean...I really didn't even think about how God wants me to take care of things like this. I never viewed it as important which goes to show you God really does care about the little things too!
When we choose to turn it ALL over to God and allow our ears to hear His voice, He will lead us exactly where we need to be. He will help us walk THROUGH these mistakes we may have made in the past. Not avoid them, but deal with them. He stands by our side the whole way through. What a faithful amazing God! I am looking forward to see what else God has for me to walk through because I know He is making me a new creation every step I take.
So remember, every decision you make matters because if you leave it unresolved, God will be bringing that up. Not to hurt you, but to help you better yourself. Make sure you are listening to God and what He wants for you! He wants to be able to use you to shine His light as bright as you can :)
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" ~Jeremiah 29:11
Today I wanted to talk about taking the easy way out and how it always seems to catch up with us. When we try to do things "our way", of course there is always a reason. Trying to save money, time or energy right? Well I know there have been things I have tried to take the easy way out of because God is having me deal with everything now. When you make a choice to go after God and EVERYTHING He has for you, that doesn't mean you get to walk away from past decisions and start over scott free. We are forgiven but God still wants us to deal with things that have been "put to the side". Take my health for example. I decided I wanted to save money so I started not going to the doctors on a regular basis. (and by doctors I mean primary care physician...dentist...eye doctor...all of them) Before I left for Switzerland I wanted to make sure everything was up to date so I have gone to ALL of those doctors in the past week. I was shocked to find out how many things were wrong with me all because I wanted to take the "cheap way out". My eye doctor told me because I kept my contacts for longer than I was supposed to (to save money) that my corneas are swollen, I now have an astigmatism in my left eye and I have blisters on my eyes and eyelids. I then had to buy glasses that same day as he said I could no longer wear contacts (for at least a month). I was so upset with myself because I ended up spending more money in one day than I would had I gone to see him for my check up 3 years ago (yes it had been that long). The funny thing is though, I was so grateful I listened to God to go before I left so this can be corrected now. He is SO faithful!!! I mean...I really didn't even think about how God wants me to take care of things like this. I never viewed it as important which goes to show you God really does care about the little things too!
When we choose to turn it ALL over to God and allow our ears to hear His voice, He will lead us exactly where we need to be. He will help us walk THROUGH these mistakes we may have made in the past. Not avoid them, but deal with them. He stands by our side the whole way through. What a faithful amazing God! I am looking forward to see what else God has for me to walk through because I know He is making me a new creation every step I take.
So remember, every decision you make matters because if you leave it unresolved, God will be bringing that up. Not to hurt you, but to help you better yourself. Make sure you are listening to God and what He wants for you! He wants to be able to use you to shine His light as bright as you can :)
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" ~Jeremiah 29:11
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Preparing the Way
You know how reflecting can sometimes lead to a revelation? Today I have had one of those revelations. I was thinking about where I was January 2010 compared to where I am now and how one choice to go all in for God has changed my life completely. It was the starting point of God preparing the way for me to go to Switzerland. I always thought I knew what a relationship with God felt like since I feel like I have been saved my whole life. Growing up in church and being there more than twice a week every week was such a blessing. For some people that much church can really turn them against God...but it didn't seem to have that effect on me. Even when I left church for a year I still felt (at that time) that I was close with God. In reality, 2009 was the darkest year for me as I felt the joy I had, once bubbling over, fade away until I felt isolated and empty.
I still don't remember what made me decide to go back to Cornerstone in January of 2010. I was at a low, emotionally, that I had not experienced before. There was all of a sudden this urgency to be back in church, even though I really didn't want to be there. So I made a decision that I was going to be there every Sunday and that decision led to an UNBELIEVABLE relationship with God. Honestly, God is the only reason I was able to go every Sunday. Even though it wasn't really about church, I knew if I missed one Sunday that it would lead to another and another missed Sunday. Church doesn't make you a Christian, but if you are striving to go after God, you want everything there is to draw you in closer to Him. I guess it was about obedience in the beginning. Even though it took me months to get involved in any kind of ministry, God stood by me the whole time. That drive to get closer to God led me to choir, as worship is my way of...I don't even know how to explain it...breathing? I had no idea how big that void was until I started singing again. I felt complete again. This was the beginning of an amazing journey I have taken since then. God has brought me trust, joy and faith that has come out of struggles I never imagined I would go through. My heart was broken numerous times as he pruned and pruned and pruned me until I thought I could take NO MORE!! Being the faithful God that He is, my heart was mended and filled with joy overflowing. I don't regret any situation I went through to bring to the place I am now. I pray God will continue to work in me and mold me more and more in His image.
Revelations like these bring me comfort because they remind me that everything really does happen for a reason. I mean, what if I decided not to come back to church? Not to pursue a relationship with God? How empty and miserable would I still be? What choices would I have made? I wouldn't be going to Switzerland, that's for sure!! I would probably still be in debt and feeling unusable and hopeless. It's unthinkable that I could ever go back to that kind of life. Don't get me wrong, I make mistakes all the time. It's always been really hard for me to handle change of any kind, but even that is getting easier. However, I am constantly facing issues with surrendering obstacles completely. I find I like to keep at least a fingernail on things I claim to have surrendered. Giving up control is probably my biggest struggle. Days where I feel attacks on my joy remind me of that song "Moving Forward". I will never go back. Moving forward is the only choice there is. If I fall, Guilt will not hold me back. There is only getting back up and moving forward.
For anyone reading this who feels that empty "point of no return" feeling, it's a lie. There is NOTHING you could do that could take away God's love for you. Believe me, I have been there. It's a lie that holds you back. Don't let it anymore. You know what you need to do. Make that choice today because you don't want to waste another second. It's SO worth it!!
Man...I don't know where this blog came from but maybe someone needed to hear it. I don't usually like to put all my business out there like this. Lol ;)
I still don't remember what made me decide to go back to Cornerstone in January of 2010. I was at a low, emotionally, that I had not experienced before. There was all of a sudden this urgency to be back in church, even though I really didn't want to be there. So I made a decision that I was going to be there every Sunday and that decision led to an UNBELIEVABLE relationship with God. Honestly, God is the only reason I was able to go every Sunday. Even though it wasn't really about church, I knew if I missed one Sunday that it would lead to another and another missed Sunday. Church doesn't make you a Christian, but if you are striving to go after God, you want everything there is to draw you in closer to Him. I guess it was about obedience in the beginning. Even though it took me months to get involved in any kind of ministry, God stood by me the whole time. That drive to get closer to God led me to choir, as worship is my way of...I don't even know how to explain it...breathing? I had no idea how big that void was until I started singing again. I felt complete again. This was the beginning of an amazing journey I have taken since then. God has brought me trust, joy and faith that has come out of struggles I never imagined I would go through. My heart was broken numerous times as he pruned and pruned and pruned me until I thought I could take NO MORE!! Being the faithful God that He is, my heart was mended and filled with joy overflowing. I don't regret any situation I went through to bring to the place I am now. I pray God will continue to work in me and mold me more and more in His image.
Revelations like these bring me comfort because they remind me that everything really does happen for a reason. I mean, what if I decided not to come back to church? Not to pursue a relationship with God? How empty and miserable would I still be? What choices would I have made? I wouldn't be going to Switzerland, that's for sure!! I would probably still be in debt and feeling unusable and hopeless. It's unthinkable that I could ever go back to that kind of life. Don't get me wrong, I make mistakes all the time. It's always been really hard for me to handle change of any kind, but even that is getting easier. However, I am constantly facing issues with surrendering obstacles completely. I find I like to keep at least a fingernail on things I claim to have surrendered. Giving up control is probably my biggest struggle. Days where I feel attacks on my joy remind me of that song "Moving Forward". I will never go back. Moving forward is the only choice there is. If I fall, Guilt will not hold me back. There is only getting back up and moving forward.
For anyone reading this who feels that empty "point of no return" feeling, it's a lie. There is NOTHING you could do that could take away God's love for you. Believe me, I have been there. It's a lie that holds you back. Don't let it anymore. You know what you need to do. Make that choice today because you don't want to waste another second. It's SO worth it!!
Man...I don't know where this blog came from but maybe someone needed to hear it. I don't usually like to put all my business out there like this. Lol ;)
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